Top Takeaways: The Four Agreements
1) Be Impeccable with your word
o This rule is the most important but also most difficult to stick to. Our words are how we manifest, and they contain our power. Words have the power to create and destroy.
o The human mind is fertile ground, we are always planting seeds (opinions, ideas, concepts). Pay attention to the seeds you allow to be planted, especially fear. You have to prepare your mind for the kinds of seeds you want to be planted
o Our opinions are like a spell, and we have the power to either cast or release someone from the spell of an opinion. From a young age we are socialized to fear and value the opinions of those around us, and when we internalize and believe those opinions, we bring them to fruition, for better or worse.
o Being impeccable means taking ownership of your words and actions and not using words against yourself: truth is how we break curses that bind us
o Word is our most powerful gift, yet we often use it very negatively
o When your word is impeccable, your mind is fertile ground only for things that come from love
2) Don’t take anything personally
o Personal importance is taking things personally – it is the ultimate form of selfishness because we assume everything is about us. Letting go gives you a lot of freedom, helps break bad habits and routines
o Nothing that other people do is because of us – it is because of themselves
o Taking things personally is us trying to impose our world on someone else’s
o Whatever others do, even insult is, comes from whatever agreements they have created in their minds
o The mind can speak to itself – part speaking and part listening so when many parts speak at once and say conflicting things we are confused about what we want (and why, how, when we want it)
o We have to take inventory of these interna agreements to make sense of the chaos and create mental order
o Don’t expect people to tell you the truth because they also lie to themselves, we all do – people lie out of fear that you will discover they aren’t perfect – don’t take it personal
o Being honest with ourselves saves us a lot of emotional pain and allow healing
3) Don’t make assumptions
o When we assume, we take things personally and create drama where there is none, and we believe we are right and defend our assumptions rather than ask for clarification
o We see and hear what we want and misunderstand a lot
o Often we assume people will do things and we are disappointed and take it personally when they do not but people cannot read our minds
o We make assumptions to fill our need to know and replace the need to communicate, which we are often scared to do honestly
o Biggest human assumption: others think the way we do, believe what we believe, judge the way we do, abuse the way we do
o The way to keep from making assumptions ask questions communicate clearly ask for what you want
4) Always do your best
o Our best is constantly changing – sometimes it will be amazing and sometimes it will not be as good – your best will different if you are healthy versus sick, sober vs drunk, feeling happy versus jealous or angry
o If you do your best (no more and no less) you can’t judge yourself
o Doing your best: taking action because you love it (not because you expect a reward) – which is usually not what we do so we end up unhappy
o Jobs – we often are waiting on the paycheck so we are unhappy, on our days of rest we dread going back to jobs we hate because we are thinking only of the reward attached rather than enjoying what we do daily
o Doing your best means you accept yourself, learn from your mistakes, keep practicing and get better
o You know you are doing your best when you enjoy it and you want to do it, not because you have to or are trying to please others
o Letting go of the past allows you to live in the present and enjoy it
o “Say no when you want to say no, and yes when you want to say yes.”
o By doing your best, you become better at being impeccable with your word, not taking things personally, and not making assumptions.
